Blame it on the raging hormone accompanying this pregnancy! The tears keep flowing and for a moment I didn't know how to control the outburst. So I let myself feel the pain and the tears trickling down my cheeks. I tremble uncontrollably. Masyaallah, God is great. I keep reciting the zikir...
Dear RG,
We don't know each other and probably never will. But your faith, courage, and strength have left me ashamed with myself most of the time. Your love for your children and husband reminds this wretched soul not to take her own family for granted. While some others in the same situation would shun the rest of the world and drown in self pity, you selflessly share and provide a glimpse of your life to us. Even in your flailing state, your wisdom shines. For that, I'm forever grateful. You show me what it means to be "redha" and to accept life's challenges as messages of love from Him.
Your posting today makes want to run to BEM immediately. I want to kiss his hand and seek forgiveness from him. Often times, we say and do things that might hurt our loved ones without realizing it. Sometimes it's our ego that gets in the way. At other times, it's our failure to contain our anger. We forget that life is fragile. There might not be another day to say "I'm sorry" or "I love you" to those closest to our heart.
RG,
I pray for your continued faith, strength and courage. I will include you in my doa. That is my only "sedekah" to you.
Friday, August 8, 2008
Thursday, August 7, 2008
AUTUMN
As I look through the glass window, I can see the clouds gathering, forming gigantic blurring ripples across the sky. A sure sign of impending heavy burst. The weather today reminds me of those gloomy autumn season when I was in London. Aahhh... how time flies.
Autumn never failed to invoke the melancholy in me. One autumn evening, even as I weaved my way passed the street performers and the flocking tourists in Covent Garden, I couldn't help but felt disconnected from the rest of the world. It's as if I was invinsible and my presence was as good as the wind gushing against those flushed pink cheeks and golden brown hair. The string quartet playing in the background provided perfect halwa for my ears. It's like a befitting theme song for whatever I was feeling inside; emptiness, sorrow, guilt and anger all moulded into one.
There was a scar in my heart and I think it will remain there possibly forever.
I learned to grow up in this city, thousand of miles away from home.
Autumn never failed to invoke the melancholy in me. One autumn evening, even as I weaved my way passed the street performers and the flocking tourists in Covent Garden, I couldn't help but felt disconnected from the rest of the world. It's as if I was invinsible and my presence was as good as the wind gushing against those flushed pink cheeks and golden brown hair. The string quartet playing in the background provided perfect halwa for my ears. It's like a befitting theme song for whatever I was feeling inside; emptiness, sorrow, guilt and anger all moulded into one.
There was a scar in my heart and I think it will remain there possibly forever.
I learned to grow up in this city, thousand of miles away from home.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
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