LIFE HAS A FUNNY WAY...

"...of helping you out when you think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up in your face..."

Alanis Morissette is one of my fave singers during my uni days. I remember when her first album came out I was already in the UK. Bought her first CD at Woolie's along Edgware Road. I memorized all her songs, analysed all the lyrics and came to a conclusion that she's somekind of a musical genius. Her lyrics were honest and without pretense. And when she was waxing lyrical about her love for that someone special, she did it without much romance peppered into it, which ironically, made the song soooo romantic!

Anyway, this post in not meant to be a tribute to Alanis. Rather, it's about getting help when and from those you least expect it.

One of the downsides of having your other half as a consultant, is the time you have to spend away from each other. I think many consultants' wives out there can attest to living a life as if you're a single mum most of the time. If you're lucky, you get to see your other half every weekend. For those who are not so lucky; it could be once a month or once every three months.

BEM's next project happens to be somewhere in the land of the Queen and fish and chips. From what I've been told it will be a two year project and he might be leaving for the initial phase for about 2 months pretty soon. I was upset initially. Then I was ok. Later I panicked!


It suddenly hit me that this new project could potentially ruined my well laid out plan. Not having BEM for the birth of our little beanie was out of the question! I even made it known to him that I will not forgive him EVER if he's not there with me. Such was my conviction to the original plan.

I also took it for granted that he's going to be there to help me deal with little beanie during her early days; that we can do some kind of a "passing of the baton". I conveniently erased all variables relating to his work in the equation.

I calculated wrongly. All those years sitting in front of Mr. Woodsworth's class discussing about different sets of possible variables had gone to waste. Heh.

Let's be honest here. Motherhood is new to me and I freaked out when it dawned on me that I might probably start this journey without BEM. It suddenly hit me that it's the real deal. Little beanie will not arrive with an instruction pamphlet tied to her body. What if I don't know what to do? I can't shove her back into my tummy, can I? It was so overwhelming that I found myself crying everytime I thought about it. And this was coming from someone who thrived on challenges. Shame on me! But to my defense, the hormones were raging. So, I was not really myself.

Anyhow, after a few miserable days and some gentle persuasions from BEM, I made my fears known to him; all my worries and frustrations at the possibility of not having the ideal situation for the impending arrival of our little beanie. I cried myself silly.

He sat there, across the table, listening intensely while holding my hands. All the while, he did not let his gaze off of me. And when I was done, he not only assured me that things will be allright, but also insisted that we go through my concerns one by one and see how we can overcome them or at the very least, make them more bearable. He pragmatically set out plans for all possible eventuals, from untimely labour to little beanie's logistic once I start work again (since we bravely decide against hiring any domestic helper).

At the end of our discussion, I felt relieved. What a difference it made to have a supportive and understanding partner! Rather than snubbing me off or calling me irrational, he helped me to see things more clearly and realize that it's not as catastrophic as I'd imagined it to be.

Relieved, I set off to work the next day recharged. Whilst having lunch with 2 of my work colleagues-turned-good-friends, I told them about my "meghoyan" episode. Almost immmediately, both said they'll be more than happy to help babysit little beanie when and if ever I need a helping hand or a breather whilst BEM is away. "After all, we live so close to each other," they add.

I was stunned and deeply touched. I was not expecting them to offer such kindness. It's true that sometimes, we'll find help from the unexpected.

No one said we have to do everything ourselves. Real independence is just a concept without much practical value. We need help or reliance onto others, no matter how small, to go through our lives. And I realize there's nothing shameful in admitting that we need help. Neither it is a sign of weakness or incompetence.

The only danger is when we abuse the hospitality and sincerity offered to us.