MOTHERHOOD

I must admit. I never really understood the meaning of sacrifice until Tatija came along. I never knew I could be selfless until I first held her in my arms.

Some time ago, if you ask me to make that long lonely drive every Friday after work and back on Sunday, I would have told you “Talk to the hand coz the ears ain’t listenin’”. And if you ask me to forego my minimum 8 hours sleep on weekends? I would’ve erased you eternally from my good book.

Reality is, come Friday morning, I am all giddy with excitement. By lunchtime, it is only my physical being that’s left in this godforsaken place. My mind would have had a head start and is already there with Tatija. And to be woken up at ungodly hours…only to be greeted with the sweetest of voice and smile from her? I say who needs 8 hours sleep on weekends, anyway.

There is a constantly overwhelming desire to protect this helpless little being. I don’t want any harm to even come near her. I can feel her pain; magnified a thousand times. Her slightest whimper breaks my heart to pieces. I fuss over her littlest needs, like my life depends on them and I put mine last.

She makes me ponder upon my own mortality. I’m not afraid of dying but I’m afraid to leave her. I’m afraid no one will love her as much as her mama loves her. I’m afraid I’m going to miss her…even in my death. To not ever see her again? It’s too excruciatingly painful to bear.

It’s bittersweet… this motherhood thingy.