I used to write incessantly. But it was in a different blog. I know… I’m a blog-whore like that. I changed blog home because I felt the need for a fresh start. The old home no longer gave me the kick that I needed. I’m not like some of my friends who seem to be able to pen their thoughts without much effort. I need to feel inspired and motivated. So, I shifted blog home. Thing is, I am still not writing as much I would like to. Inspirations are aplenty. The only thing that’s lacking is TIME. I seem to have other more important things to do or attend to almost every time there’s a slot for possible scribbling. And it does not get better A.T. (after Tatija).

BEM said he used to look forward to my ramblings. I always had a lot to write. He went further to say that perhaps my lack of interest in writing of late is due to the fact that I am no longer inspired like I used to or perhaps I am not as happy as before.

Aiyo! Darling husband… I am very happy. Life is so good I have to keep pinching myself all the time. True, there are bumpy moments here and there, but the SUV we’re riding in is so strong and solid we’re able to drive pass most of the obstacles so far and Insyaallah for the rest of our ride.

Our life is evolving and so does our love. We may not have much time to ourselves like before, but it does not mean we care less for each other. If anything, I love you more than I did before. I love my little family more than life itself. You and Tatija mean the world to me! I am inspired just by thinking about the two of you. I have so much love it makes me giddy. And I still think you’re the HOTTEST man around!

However, I know I have been guilty of neglecting you at some point. Please forgive me.

I was trying to adjust to this new phase of life. It was overwhelming and at times, I felt helpless. I didn’t know how to care for both of you. And I was worried and sad for a while; I felt like it’s as though you did not love or care for Tatija as much. You used to keep telling me how you took care of your children almost single handedly in your previous life. You’d change their nappies, woke up for their night feeds, bathed them, played with them and all. But I did not see much of these with Tatija. You said I was such a control freak that you took a step backward and let me do almost everything. But trust me, sometimes I wished you’d ask me if you can change her nappy. I wished her cries would’ve woken you up instead of me having to do so in the middle of the night. I wished you’d have stayed up with me or offered to feed her instead of snoozing right after you made and handed her milk. I wished you’d wake up earlier so you can play with her first thing in the morning.

I used to be clouded with sadness when I saw you, looking at Tatija, like a stranger from a distance. My heart cried a little when her playful screams and shouts did nothing to wake you up in the morning.

But now, I’ve come to a realization; you do love Tatija. Maybe differently and not as vigorously as you love your other children, but you do love her. That much I know. I’m also slowly learning to not be too demanding when it comes to things that concern Tatija… especially love. After all, we certainly cannot demand how we want to be loved.

Things are definitely better. Alhamdulillah. I guess it was my hormones gone haywire getting into action. Trust me. Post partum depression is no joke.